I can see the sunshine, somewhere beyond the clouds.... (R.Kelly)
This song's been ringing in my head this evening - I feel that I'm slowly breaking out of the dark cloud of my last treatment. Food is regaining it's taste, the nausea is passing, I'm starting to return phone calls... Though I'm no less tired than before, the lowered dose has kept me from getting those terrible headaches I had last time. I'm determined to get at least 7-8 hrs sleep at night, which means I sleep before the kids sometimes and have to take 2 sedatives (one every 5 hrs or so). I don't stress as much about eating enough during Days 2-4 - everything tastes so blah that I just focus on getting the liquids down (not an easy task). Today's been good but I decided to just eat what I have a taste for, and drink ginger tea to help settle my stomach - works for now.
Last week was such an overwhelmingly emotional one. It's one thing to leave a job, but leaving one when you have cancer, makes it so much more intense, and it made saying goodbye much harder. I was taken aback by things that people said, and their generosity.
Before I went for this last treatment, I thought a lot about how people are able to stay positive when they are physically in a lot of pain or discomfort. My daily devotion on March 10 talked about how at times people mistake their feelings and emotions for faith - how Christians get in trouble when they walk by feelings not faith. It ended by saying "When I cannot feel the faith of assurance, I live by the fact of God's faithfulness. (M. Henry)" I have reminded myself of the fact that God is faithful so many times over the past few days. I even used it as a way to put myself to sleep, running through the alphabet of people who have testified to His faithfulness... A - Abraham; B- Barnabas; C-Chinya, Caleb; D- David, Daniel; E-Esther, Enmartz; ...
I thank God for this New Day!
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