Resting / Waiting

I just read today's entry from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman, a daily devotion Nyambe sent for me, and felt I wanted to share it. It was written by Frances Ridley Havergal (who also wrote the hymn "Take My Life and Let It Be")

Have you ever heard of anyone being greatly used by Christ who did not first experience a special time of waiting, or a complete upset of his plans first? From the apostle Paul's being sent into the Arabian wilderness for three years...down to the present day, it seems those who will be used will have a time of waiting... My own experience is far less severe than Paul's but reveals the same principle. Once when I thought the door was being thrown open for me to enter the literary filed with a great opportunity, it was just as quickly shut. My doctor stepped in and simple said, "Never! You must choose between writing and living, for you cannot do both." The year was 1860, and I did not come out of my shell of isolation with my book Ministry of Song until 1869. By then I saw the distinct wisdom of having been kept waiting for nine years in the shade...

I laid it down in silence,

This work of mine,

And took what had been sent me--

A resting time.

The Master's voice had called me

To rest apart;

"Apart with Jesus only,"

Echoed my heart.

I took the rest and stillness

From His own Hand,

And felt this present illness

Was what He planned.

How often we choose labor,

When He says "Rest"--

Our ways are blind and crooked;

His way is best.

The work Himself has given,

He will complete.

There may be other errands

For tired feet;

There may be other duties

For tired hands,

The present, is obedience

To His commands.

There is a blessed resting

In lying still,

In letting His hand mold us,

Just as He will.

His work must be completed.

His lesson set;

He is the higher Workman:

Do not forget!

It is not only "working."

We must be trained;

And Jesus "learnt" obedience,

Through suffering gained.

For us, His yoke is easy,

His burden light.

His discipline most needful,

And all is right.

We are but under-workmen;

They never choose

If this tool or if that one

Their hands shall use.

In working or in waiting

May we fulfill

Not ours at all, but only

The Master's will!

--Selected

Mid-Cycle

It's Day 11 after my 4th (!!) infusion and I feel great (the awesome weather has a lot to do with it as well!). I'm on the deck outside my room, and am looking out on the most perfect day. The kids are enjoying the last of the weekend and I'm in the middle of a new good book (Bel Canto) - not that I finished any of the others I have been reading. I can't explain what's made the difference but I'm now able to breath more easily, relax more readily... I think it's just time away from working as well that has helped. Regardless of what it is, I thank God for it.

On Friday morning, I watched a movie on TV - an oldie called A Secret Place from the 40s - and actually sat there all the way through, savoring it. It doesn't sound like a big deal but it's something I would never had the patience for before I got sick, or felt relaxed enough to do since I started chemo. Afterwards I went to lunch with an ex-coworker - I'm supposed to do it again next week with another group but I plan to ask that we wait till my treatment is done. Though I felt fine as we sat there, that afternoon/evening I was especially weak and tired. The headaches return most days, and I usually time Tylenol but really I know it's just exhaustion. I've come to think that the steroid's effect wears off around Day 9, and I start to sleep through the night again. It happened that way after #3 as well. And this time around I didn't go through my insomnia like before - Praise God!

I didn't do my blood counts after my first week this time - I just assumed that it dipped and I had to be careful. The area around my medi-port was more achey this past week but it could be cos I was laying on my left side, and straining it. I've switched over the past few days, and I feel better. My tongue still feels weird but it's nearly normal. I decided this time around to be good to my stomach, so it'll be good to me! I avoided rice (hard to digest - you're right Uncle Eric :-)) and had lots of soups, eggs, avocados, some baby food, yogurt...

We went to the episcopal church again today and I felt such peace. The setting is beautiful - large windows with trees beyond cover the entire front wall - and the hymns just put me in the right mood for worship. They had baptism and confirmation today and I am pleased that the kids enjoy the more formal service as well.

I'm expecting a good week and a half, and have only 2 more to go (Apr 22, May 13)!

I thank God for this lovely day.