After attending church, listening to the message on how much we are all loved by God, and hearing some powerful gospel music on the radio, the fear I had felt the previous day was gone. I felt positive and throughout the day was only focused on trusting Him and facing what was ahead without fear. I was shaken by how much weaker I found I was when I got to the hospital. With so much going on around me, I couldn't focus. But Chinya stayed with me till I went into surgery and I really needed him there. The lowest point was when I found out I had lost 10 lbs since I last weighed myself - that scared me. The nurse came in just then and said I should go ahead and cry, that this was hard, and that she had gone through this in 'o8, and 'look at me, I'm back at work'. This had been what I had longed to hear from the nurse I spoke to on Friday, that she had had cancer and recovered, and here my nurse was saying it! I felt so encouraged by that, and felt that was just one more person God had placed in my path to make it easier for me.
The pain has nearly all subsided this evening, and it helped that I spent most of the day in bed. It's been so great to talk to so many people over the past couple days, especially one person in particular who I haven't been close to for a long while - she called several times to say that she and her friends are praying for me. It's been such a wonderful experience in this way, and I am really lifted up by it all.
I thank God for a new day!
kule - it was too late to call you later from home. So I continue to lift you up in prayer and some perspective –
ReplyDeleteToday think of how they always say we can live in - the physical and the spiritual... So as your body and doctors fight together- so too will your mind/spirit fight to cope... Audio books may be useful..
because I admire your openness – I thought what the heck, ill do the same...
-I have always thought of you are the 3rd mother - the most caring of people I know - all with the same birthdates and all wonderfully caring, protective, nurturing... Continue to spread your love - ...even through these catastrophic times..ok..
a Russian poet (cant spell his name this late, but will bring you his book) who first introduced me to fav classics poet - john keats... the "mansion of many rooms"? –U know the various rooms and stages...please use this as your tool for strength.. that through this uncertainty you will find some revolutionary light…he offers a profound concept of walking in uncertainty/sickness but finding light/peace…and being capable while experiencing the negative….
Well remember Christ at the Garden of Gethsemane... who came flawless and without blemish – was chosen to suffer pain at the cross...back then they did not have cancer - but surely - we can connect to the bigger picture from that level..Did he not even beg for God to take that cross away from him - but God chose not to.. Some crosses come to be borne (is that how you say the past tense of bear). And it is in bearing this cross that you find the unimaginable, awesomeness of his majesty - his love and his miracle and his victory...
so when faced with the challenges of illness and Deyas death - I remember singing this song daily - "new every morning great is thy faithfulness .... the steadfast love of the lord never ceases..his mercies never come to an end"
I sang in pain and would then burst into laughter..... Singing is great vitamin - the poet I-Roy sings that” in a song he sings in pain and sings in joy - because then he always has the same - neither the pain nor the joy – but just the song”... so make a song your variable and constant…
Driving home one day, I was moved by this psalmist poet who wrote the psalm...that C. knows the # for (dont recall now)- “ praise him in the heavens, the sun, moon, stars,the clouds, heights, the hills, the cattle...let all things praise - for he has raised them a horn..” ..
Yield on the words of famous poet -our friend -Bob M. How more beautifully can this be said: “We are a gift from God, when we struggle to make it through - we give our gift to God ..The process of that struggle becomes - is what is the truth and this will set us free…..and every little thing's gonna be alright…. So don’t worry about the thing”
Honey rest up and with your bible and keats and maybe sam selvon(among many other great s), frozen grapes, organic and healthy treats to your left and chinya to your right and kids feet massaging - cradle your light, that it may shine…like many hymn writers who inspired in suffering…..while they waited for their victory…/M
Thanks Miranda. Such lovely messages... I needed that tonight. Yes, there is something beautiful in the loneliness of a personal struggle that can carry you to places you never would have gone. I didn't know 'don't worry bout a thing' had that message... See what you miss when you don't need the comfort of those words. I'm collecting bible verses and encouraging words I've gotten from people on the backs of old business cards and I'll add these to my collection :-) Love lots
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