My Faith Journey

A friend had said back when I started this blog that it should be my 'faith' journey, not cancer journey. Though I appreciated her point, at the time, I was so focused on the disease that I could not see clearly beyond it. I have come a long way since, and now, on Day 9 following my second infusion, I see clearly that this is a FAITH journey at its heart. There's so much I could say about how I know that this experience was designed to reach areas of my life that I was holding on to with all my might, but yet were hurting me and those around me. Yesterday I fell to the level of ultimate brokenness/surrender. I had to admit that I was not able to keep on the juggling act - I couldn't carry on as before - and I had to quit my job. I've shed many tears over the past week since my last infusion, over just feeling so helpless and unable to function, or just because of frustrations with not being able to have it go better or feel stronger. Yesterday, as Chinya and I spoke after making the decision to quit, I said to him - enti you kin say ah hard (you always say I am so tough), look at me know - it's the weak Kule. And he said Praise the Lord! Shortly afterwards, I was writing in my journal and noted the day's scripture at the bottom of the page - Matt 11:28 Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. My journal entry had been about how the weight of having my job (and being PM on several projects that were in need of attention) had just gotten to much for me. I guess I can be very stubborn and letting go and realizing there is nothing for me to do now except rest and get better, ended up in being a major struggle within me. I praise God though cos he wants us at this point where we are not holding on so tightly to certain things in our lives that we lose ourselves. I listened to this sermon online today and it couldn't have been more ideal for where I am right now - God's Pathway to Brokenness. http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4945473/k.BE35/Home.htm

I thank God for my faith journey!